James Fogarty – Emotional Manipulation: Understanding Manipulators and Helping Their Victims

Outline

DEFINITION OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATIONDEFINITION OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION

• A working definition of emotional manipulationA working definition of emotional manipulation
• A composite of many definitionsA composite of many definitions
• Examples of Emotional ManipulatorsExamples of Emotional Manipulators

TEN TYPES OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATORS TEN TYPES OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATORS

• The Constant VictimThe Constant Victim
• The One-Upmanship ExpertThe One-Upmanship Expert
• Powerful DependentsPowerful Dependents
• The TriangulatorsThe Triangulators
• The BlastersThe Blasters
• The ProjectorsThe Projectors
• The MisinterpretersThe Misinterpreters
• The FlirtsThe Flirts
• The Iron FistThe Iron Fist
• The Multiple OffenderThe Multiple Offender

THE TOOLS OF THE EMOTIONAL MANIPULATOR: WITH DEFINITIONS AND EXAMPLES!THE TOOLS OF THE EMOTIONAL MANIPULATOR: WITH DEFINITIONS AND EXAMPLES!

• Guilt is their specialtyGuilt is their specialty
• Pretending to be victimized by the victimPretending to be victimized by the victim
• Changing the meaning of wordsChanging the meaning of words
• Powerful dependenciesPowerful dependencies
• EntitlementEntitlement
• Covert badgeringCovert badgering
• Hiding behind the maskHiding behind the mask
• IrritabilityIrritability
• Experts in triangulationExperts in triangulation
• Pretending to be ill or suicidalPretending to be ill or suicidal
• Using provocative behaviorUsing provocative behavior
• The deceptions of constantly being misunderstoodThe deceptions of constantly being misunderstood
• How they attack their victim’s self-esteemHow they attack their victim’s self-esteem
• Isolate, destroy and enjoy the effect!Isolate, destroy and enjoy the effect!
• Manipulative disappointmentManipulative disappointment
• How they pretend: “No one understands like you do”How they pretend: “No one understands like you do”
• The smoke screen they utilizeThe smoke screen they utilize
• How they pretend: “I’m your number one fan”How they pretend: “I’m your number one fan”
• How they use enticements for desired behaviorHow they use enticements for desired behavior

THE MAGICAL THOUGHTS OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATORSTHE MAGICAL THOUGHTS OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATORS

• If I am pompous, I avoid shameIf I am pompous, I avoid shame
• If I am a victim, I have powerIf I am a victim, I have power
• If I triangulate, I get revengeIf I triangulate, I get revenge
• If I promise love, I get sexIf I promise love, I get sex
• If I blame you, you will give me what I wantIf I blame you, you will give me what I want
• If I break you, I own youIf I break you, I own you
• If I indulge, I am the preferred parentIf I indulge, I am the preferred parent
• If I threaten or pressure, I motivateIf I threaten or pressure, I motivate

TEN WAYS EMOTIONAL MANIPULATORS TEST FOR VULNERABILITIES TO FIND THEIR VICTIMSTEN WAYS EMOTIONAL MANIPULATORS TEST FOR VULNERABILITIES TO FIND THEIR VICTIMS

• The pen testThe pen test
• Grooming—”Getting to know you, getting to know all about you”Grooming—”Getting to know you, getting to know all about you”
• Testing for dependenciesTesting for dependencies
• The shotgun blastThe shotgun blast
• Sympathetic attitude to learn their victim’s historySympathetic attitude to learn their victim’s history
• Categorizing peopleCategorizing people
• Test for desperateness—cat and mouse when first getting to know their victimTest for desperateness—cat and mouse when first getting to know their victim
• Deluge the new victim with every type of attentionDeluge the new victim with every type of attention
• Extreme interestExtreme interest
• Impressing their victim—the test of shallownessImpressing their victim—the test of shallowness

THE QUALITIES AND MAGICAL THOUGHTS OF THEIR VICTIMSTHE QUALITIES AND MAGICAL THOUGHTS OF THEIR VICTIMS

• Co-dependentCo-dependent
• Looking for love—desperatelyLooking for love—desperately
• Perceive bad qualities of manipulators as strengthPerceive bad qualities of manipulators as strength
• Caring and lovingCaring and loving
• Want to please/feel overly responsibleWant to please/feel overly responsible
• Unfulfilled needsUnfulfilled needs
• Abuse and/or neglected in childhoodAbuse and/or neglected in childhood
• VulnerableVulnerable
• PassionatePassionate
• Immune to falling out of loveImmune to falling out of love

TECHNIQUES TO STOP VICTIMS FROM BEING VICTIMSTECHNIQUES TO STOP VICTIMS FROM BEING VICTIMS

• Changing their perception of the Emotional ManipulatorChanging their perception of the Emotional Manipulator
• Adjust the perception of a victim into a survivorAdjust the perception of a victim into a survivor
• Re-structuring the survivor’s cognitive distortionsRe-structuring the survivor’s cognitive distortions
• Creating healthy barriers between the Emotional Manipulator and the survivorCreating healthy barriers between the Emotional Manipulator and the survivor
• Teaching survivors to recognize their own vulnerabilitiesTeaching survivors to recognize their own vulnerabilities
• Instruct survivors to more easily recognize Emotional ManipulatorsInstruct survivors to more easily recognize Emotional Manipulators