James Fogarty – Emotional Manipulation: Understanding Manipulators and Helping Their Victims

Outline

DEFINITION OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION

• A working definition of emotional manipulation
• A composite of many definitions
• Examples of Emotional Manipulators

TEN TYPES OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATORS

• The Constant Victim
• The One-Upmanship Expert
• Powerful Dependents
• The Triangulators
• The Blasters
• The Projectors
• The Misinterpreters
• The Flirts
• The Iron Fist
• The Multiple Offender

THE TOOLS OF THE EMOTIONAL MANIPULATOR: WITH DEFINITIONS AND EXAMPLES!

• Guilt is their specialty
• Pretending to be victimized by the victim
• Changing the meaning of words
• Powerful dependencies
• Entitlement
• Covert badgering
• Hiding behind the mask
• Irritability
• Experts in triangulation
• Pretending to be ill or suicidal
• Using provocative behavior
• The deceptions of constantly being misunderstood
• How they attack their victim’s self-esteem
• Isolate, destroy and enjoy the effect!
• Manipulative disappointment
• How they pretend: “No one understands like you do”
• The smoke screen they utilize
• How they pretend: “I’m your number one fan”
• How they use enticements for desired behavior

THE MAGICAL THOUGHTS OF EMOTIONAL MANIPULATORS

• If I am pompous, I avoid shame
• If I am a victim, I have power
• If I triangulate, I get revenge
• If I promise love, I get sex
• If I blame you, you will give me what I want
• If I break you, I own you
• If I indulge, I am the preferred parent
• If I threaten or pressure, I motivate

TEN WAYS EMOTIONAL MANIPULATORS TEST FOR VULNERABILITIES TO FIND THEIR VICTIMS

• The pen test
• Grooming—”Getting to know you, getting to know all about you”
• Testing for dependencies
• The shotgun blast
• Sympathetic attitude to learn their victim’s history
• Categorizing people
• Test for desperateness—cat and mouse when first getting to know their victim
• Deluge the new victim with every type of attention
• Extreme interest
• Impressing their victim—the test of shallowness

THE QUALITIES AND MAGICAL THOUGHTS OF THEIR VICTIMS

• Co-dependent
• Looking for love—desperately
• Perceive bad qualities of manipulators as strength
• Caring and loving
• Want to please/feel overly responsible
• Unfulfilled needs
• Abuse and/or neglected in childhood
• Vulnerable
• Passionate
• Immune to falling out of love

TECHNIQUES TO STOP VICTIMS FROM BEING VICTIMS

• Changing their perception of the Emotional Manipulator
• Adjust the perception of a victim into a survivor
• Re-structuring the survivor’s cognitive distortions
• Creating healthy barriers between the Emotional Manipulator and the survivor
• Teaching survivors to recognize their own vulnerabilities
• Instruct survivors to more easily recognize Emotional Manipulators